After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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