the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
