I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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