he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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