we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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