No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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