somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
