I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
