she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize