everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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