I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
