Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
