Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
