i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's the barista slut.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
