Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
