nut hugger
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
