I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
