how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
