and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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