I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
