Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
