it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
