She said her name was "party"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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