Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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