Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The maid of honor just puked.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
