Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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