I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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