i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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