I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
