May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize