dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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