Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
