walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
