he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
