it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize