ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the day after is always just damage control
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
