The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
