You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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