they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
