I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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