3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
