her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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