yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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