Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
