what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
