weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
