I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
