I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
