I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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