I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
