if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
