I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
