Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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