You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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