One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
