with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
