I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
