Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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