someone threw a dead crab at me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
