I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
