You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
