Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My dick has a subreddit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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