I think I won the penis lottery.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize