similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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