I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm both gender and math confused
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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