you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even my farts smell like vagina
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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