I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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