Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
