TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
