Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
