the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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