if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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