I don't usually arrange sex via text message
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
