Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
